I've been on holidays this week, and decided to do some cleaning. Not the regular "put your clothes away" cleaning, or even the "vacuum in the corners" type of cleaning... I went all out on a "empty both bookcases and cupboards and throw out all that old crap that you have built up over the past few years" type of splurge. This must be what hell is like.

Firstly, let me beat you to the punch. I know that I am on holidays, and cleaning, during my holidays. Which makes me lame.

Secondly, I spent most of Sunday and Monday sitting on the floor reading through ALL my old diaries / files / letters / cards / books that have been floating around my room for the past few years. A dude spending the first few days of his holidays reminiscing over his past. LAMER.

I guess what I am trying to say, in the most ADHD of ways, is that from looking back at all those forgotten memories I can see the events, people, joys and hurts that shaped me to where I am today. Our future determines our goal, our past determines the path we take to get there..

So I have spent the past few days reliving, then throwing out a heap of old memories. I thought it was a strange concept, knowing that in throwing away a bunch of old songs, cards and hatemail, I was effectively throwing away a huge chunk of memories. Each letter was a time and place now long forgotten. Each crumpled page, a poem or song, an emotion lost forever. Throwing away memories is a mildly traumatic experience, and must be approached with a certain amount of what I call "cold bitch-ness".

It is physically impossible to carry every single memory and emotion with us through life, and at some points in our lives, we need to adopt the cold bitch mentality, and just cut them lose en-mass, often in a painful way. Some mementos and memories we can keep, some are beneficial, some are inspiring. On a personal level, most of mine were from what was a very painful and now (thankfully) removed time in life. Most of those were gouged free over the past few days. Some of the extremely vivid and detailed ones I kept, and I am not entirely sure why. In time I will gouge them free too... I would never have admitted to myself before just how big a part that time, those memories, and those emotions in my past played in shaping my attitudes and life now.

I guess what I am trying to say, in the most ADHD of ways, is that from looking back at all those forgotten memories I can see the events, people, joys and hurts that shaped me to where I am today. Our future determines our goal, our past determines the path we take to get there.

So I thought I'd share a few lil' written memories from my past over the next few weeks. Some painful, some funny, some just plain stupid and pointless. More to come...