I'm about to head off to a 60 year old womans birthday party. And it is themed. I really don't like themed. Especially when that theme is "Hawaiian". I don't mind Hawaiian pizza, or movies about Hawaii, or even the girls from Hawaii. I am just terrified of the bad hats, bad shirts, bad grass skirts, and bad 'lai' jokes that come from Hawaiian parties.

Especially when it is for a 60 year old womans birthday party. Because in my mind, Hawaii = beach and bikini's, and the last thing I want to see is a 60 year old woman being encouraged to grease up and slip into an ill fitting bikini and prance around the house pretending to be a Hula girl.

What is worse than an old lady stripping down and trying to dance like a Hawaiian princess? 30 old woman doing the exact same thing! Because it is a birthday party, there will be copious amounts of alcohol AS WELL AS large numbers of other elderly people pretending to be young pretty Hawaiian girls in bikinis and grass skirts. One wrong move, and this party could turn into something you read about in the newspaper tomorrow.

And lets say nothing of the creepy stepfathers that get all 'in the mood' when they drink.

60yo Hawaiian party = old ladies + bikinis + alcohol + drunken stepfathers = OLD PEOPLE FONDLING.

And no one wants to see that.

I'm gonna go shower. I feel dirty just thinking about what I'm about to have to endure. Pray for me.