Dear Santa,

Thankyou for the two pairs of underpants and the Toblerone bar you left for me on Christmas day. I really appreciated melting and smearing the chocolate to the inside of the underpants and then hiding them under the Christmas tree for the family to discover later in the day.

They thought that it was a "totally awesome" practical joke and actually used the words "Will, you are a humour demi-god, teach us oh master" thought it was really immature.

Santa, perhaps you accidentally gave the two lifelike chimpanzee dolls to my sisters by mistake... or as is more likely the case, you were punishing me for stealing all of my brothers presents from under the Christmas tree on Christmas Eve, and hiding them up in the attic. Which doesn't really make sense to me Mr Santa, because my family FOUND the presents up in the attic, and decided that leaving them there and playing a joke on my brother on Christmas day was the best option.

He nearly cried sitting on the couch with nothing but a dvd or something stupid while the rest of us had to make piles of all our random presents and stuff.

So Santa... thanks for being fair in dealing out your presents and stuff... if I catch you stalking around the house next year on Christmas Eve, rest assured that I am going to punch you in the baby-maker. Hard.