Cinemas. Synonymous with teenage entertainment on a Saturday night. Do you remember the days when you had to use your home telephone to call up your friends to organise an evening out? Can you still see yourself at the age of 16 pleading with your parents to give up part of their Saturday evening to play 'taxi' for you and your friends, to drive you almost all the way to the local shopping mall but actually drop you and your friends off just around the corner out of sight of the actual mall itself so you didn't look like a dwebe getting out of mummy's tarago in front of the 'in' crowd you felt you needed to impress? Do you even remember the word dwebe? How 1990 is dwebe.

Did you have parents like mine who drove cars so crappy that most of the time I would prefer to walk an hour into the movies, or scam lifts of friends whose parents drove normal cars. Did you have parents with a twisted sense of humour like mine? Despite all my begging, pleading and sobbing they insisted on driving past the drop off corner that was 'out of site', instead preferring to embarrass their young son by driving straight into the mall, and plowing straight into my group of friends? I swear my parents were Uncle Buck... and they certainly didn't believe in 'cool'. No matter how hard I tried, I never made it to 'cool' on a Saturday night at the movies...
I guess it is kinda hard to look old and cool and sophisticated when you have to clamber over baby toys, pieces of chewed up biscuit and a dirty baby seat in front of a coffee shop.

Enough of that tangent. Cinemas are synonymous with teenagers, flying popcorn, rolling jaffa's down the aisles, and boys sitting through the most painful of chick flicks in an attempt to touch up make out with that girl in the back row.

Gold class is something totally different though... it brings to mind images of grandeur, expensive cocktails and a somewhat affluent and more mature clientele. Older couples, executives, 20-something year old couples, out on a 'special' movie date where the boy sits through another agonising girl movie in the hope that he will get the chance to spend the next evening out with the boys rather than at home with his lady friend.

Gold class and normal cinemas are worlds apart. And as far as I am concerned, those worlds should stay apart. Very apart. So when those worlds collide, it actually becomes a little, well... akward and disgusting. Take the picture below for example. Here, in the midst of our beers, cocktails and gormet finger food, we have two old people making out on a gold class couch under the watchfull (and possibly distressed) gazes of Dean Martin, Marilyn Monroe and James Dean.

I don't want to see an old lady in nanna pants making out with a bald wrinkly 60 something year old... I don't care how much you paid for your tickets, or how much viagra you have taken, making out in Gold Class just isn't cool. If you want to make out, go into a normal cinema and sit in the back row with the pimply 16 year old teenagers and gross them out so much they won't want to experience human contact for years. Don't make out on the lounge in front of me please... eww. In fact, making out at your age is probably a health risk, have you ever considered that? I mean, we have all heard of the dangers of sex in this modern day and age, but have you thought about the dangers in making out any day at your age?

Please, for the sake of those of us with life left to live, please put your false teeth back in, and stop making out in public... I mean, I was about to eat and everything, and then you two started romping on the couch in full view of everyone there. Even the staff in the lounge had a bucket of ice and two blank bingo cards ready to cut your old person love time short.

So please, next time you oldies are out and about, please, dear god, think of the children. Your pashing could emotionally scar us, and you wouldn't want that on your conscience for the next 2 years until either death or alzheimer's comes to claim you, would you?